Don’t Tone Me Down !
This painting is about healing from Narcissistic Abuse.
Narc parents despise the unbridled exuberance of a child because it offends and hi lights their inability to generate their own joy and satisfaction from within . In fact all narcissistic types , clinical or otherwise have this trait. The child is only allowed to act in ways that reflect to the world, the image the narc-parent deems acceptable. The child learns hyper-vigilance; how to watch for any shift in atmosphere that says, ‘who and what you are is not acceptable’.
The punishment for being your beautiful unbridled self is the removal of love and approval. Unbearable for a child. It taps into our survival mechanisms . It evokes the life threatening fear, that if this adult decides not to care for me I will die. The child will adapt and comply till, love and approval return. We are hard wired for that.
This is often a source of the primary wound, abandonment. The data reflects that adult children of narcs grow up with emotional injuries that act like blood in the water to a shark, the next narc . They attract narc partners , bosses and friends. Until it makes them so physically , emotionally and mentally ill that the pain to stay is more than the pain to go.
In order to survive , they must leave ; they’ve had enough. They are forced to see the pattern, learn self love and boundary up. In recovery they learn that the very things the narc is attracted to – their joy de vivre, their unwavering belief and their endless and inexhaustible ability to forgive, are also the very traits that , given to themselves, will heal them.
Two factors speak to me of spiritual progress in this area – how gently I speak to myself, and my commitment to being my unbridled, happy , energised, shining brightly self. Don’t tone me down !
The dominant colours in this painting are various shades of pink & vermillion, with a touch of magenta and gold. Yellow has an exuberance that says , ‘I will not be ignored’ – so the colour that stands out in the most random and playful of ways is yellow. Yellow attracts attention and is considered in emotional colour theory to be sunny and cheerful , high spirited and, childlike. In terms of energy yellow is associated with focus , confidence and determination .
If you are looking to boost your self confidence make sure you have a source of yellow around that you can see regularly – a painting or screen saver. A diary or favourite teapot will do the trick . Each time you look at it , it’ll remind you that you are allowed to be the boss of you and make choices that 100% bless you , without apology. In fact loyalty to yourself in this area is a must if you are to become all that you were made to be.
Here is an affirmation I wrote to help me with this: ‘Today I put myself first in a healthy way so I’m in the best shape possible to care for my family and reach my goals’. If anyone has a problem with you putting yourself first in a healthy way , they are not your people, they do not have your best interests at heart.
This painting is a part of the series, Master Peace_alchemy. This body of work is about taking the courage to alchemise our wounds so that we don’t bleed out in pain over our lives and the lives of others. Peace or pain, the choice is ours . The bridge requires courage and humility .
“Don’t Tone Me Down”! – Master Peace_alchemy 100cm x 32.5cm Acrylic on canvas
Master Peace_alchemy , Solo Exhibit at Fern Street Gallery Gerringong NSW
October 23 – November 5 , 2023