Brave

The Healing Field for Abandonment is Commitment

Master Peace_alchemy is my next body of work. It is about alchemising our pain and primary wounds into peace and progress. If we do that in a healthy way, we can live in peace with ourselves and with others. When you’re comfortable in your own skin , you are more pleasant to be around. When you haven’t dealt with your wounds they bleed out over your life and over others.

As an abstract expressionist , I give shape , body , color and form to ethereal or non bodied concepts such as emotions, energy , thoughts and experiences .

How we process our pain and primary wounds effects our ability to live in peace and in healthy relationship with ourselves and others.

Addiction is the result of the abandonment wound. The opposite of addiction isn’t abstinence or even sobriety, it’s connection. When we become addicted to a substance, a behaviour or a person we are looking for connection but end up doing the opposite. We disconnect with ourselves. We abandon ourselves in search of something else. Sitting with ourselves and our pain at being abandoned is too much. Commitment to self love is the answer.

There are many ways to abandon yourself. Addiction to playing small, self medicating, not following your dreams and losing yourself in relationships. These are the big 4 for me. 

How do you abandon yourself? Work? Raising kids? Serving in church? Housework? The gym? Shopping? Risky behavior? Serial monogamy ? Saving a family member from themselves? Abusive friendships? Staying in a shitty marriage? Pornography? Alcohol? Netflix? Social Media?

It takes bravery to face the abandonment wound because we become conditioned to shifting our emotional landscape . Any time we feel something good or bad, it’s too much , we don’t have the skill to sit with it, we want to run. And so we do. Feeling great ? Have a drink and take the edge off. Feeling lonely or like you’re failing at something? Grab some comfort food and stuff those feelings away in the never to be opened box. Feeling superior is another powerful addiction that prevents us feeling pain.

It’s only when it starts to be so detrimental to our lives, work, relationships, family, bank account or some other glaringly obvious problem ( jail, hospital, divorce ) do we take a good hard look. It has to cause us some great pain in some way, otherwise we’d keep doing it and justify it.

Here is a great affirmation I wrote to make sure I stay committed to myself and not abandon myself to the needs of others in fear that someone will abandon me or get angry with me if I treat myself well and don’t put their needs first. I regularly write it in my journal and have it on my mind throughout the day. If abandonment is one of your primary wounds , opportunities to abandon yourself and take the edge off your feelings will come up all day everyday. It is relentless.

“Today, I put myself first in a healthy way so I’m in the best shape possible to take care of my family and reach my goals”

It took me until my late 40’s to be able to say that with absolute conviction and zero guilt. If someone has a problem with me putting myself first in a healthy way, they are not for me. And I’m ok with it.

Here’s another one that I say in the mirror. Everyday. “Today and everyday I pledge allegiance to myself and to my soul for which I stand. I honor my goodness my gifts and my talents. I commit to remaining loyal to myself from this moment forward for all of my days.” Quote from ‘The Big Leap’, by Gay Hendrix. Great book . Highly recommend. 

Healing these primary wounds is serious business. The deeper you go the more there is to look at. And life has a way of turning your attention towards the task at hand. The smell of old records in an op shop. The gracious and measured response from a friend that you weren’t expecting. 

Some things in life just set you on your arse. Onward.